Seventy-fifth: Stereo

I just drove my best friend, Sandra, to the airport. It's sad knowing I won't get up next to her later. Nobody's gonna bug me to sleep beside her at the time that she wants to. I'm going to miss her terribly.

 

I trust time will let us see each other again, the soonest as possible. Until then, these pictures will suffice.

P.S. Car shots are possibly one of the bests-- where it's cramped and noisy. :-D

Seventy-fourth: Too much thoughts

I haven't blogged for a long while now. You could excuse me because I'm trying to keep up with the things thrown my way-- work, family, friends, and life in general. I'm busy making my life count. And when I'm online, with the ultimate goal of writing down the day/week that has been, I'm lost in the moment of the words and pictures I read and see from people I don't even know. There is a lot of talent oozing with every click that I make. Then, I forget. I promise again (and again) to make up for the times I've set writing aside. It has been a cycle for me. But how can you not mind the beauty and convenience the web gives?

My best friend, Sandra, from my hometown, Zamboanga, is in town for a short visit. She's in the opposite room while I'm out here trying to collect my thoughts. It's a nice feeling knowing I could be comfortable with the silence our situation brings. It isn't odd. We have been together the entire day-- nonstop laughing and talking. This time tonight though, we're apart. As I write, I remember the place I grew up in. People would give me this unusual look that tells me mystery and suspicion has painted the town red if they know I come from the said city. It has grown popular not because our dialect is understood only by a few but because of negative publicity and media hype, almost to a fault and insult. Still, that is home for me. I've made great friends and memories there. I feel the need to defend my hometown from how the public has deemed it unsafe and treacherous.
So much has happened tonight, I feel the sheets of my bed calling me. :)

I've been telling myself for months now that I was in love. At least, it felt that way to me. I felt so inspired to go to work. It seemed life was lovelier and more colorful. It sounds cliche, but it's true. I've always seen myself daydreaming about him-- that someday, we might actually end up together. It felt like a nice dream that I didn't want to wake up. I had to pinch myself several times to remind me that things and feelings change. And that happened today. As I was driving home, I stopped and thought of the day that has transpired. I had a very serious crush at somebody, so serious it was alarming and disconcerting me in all the wrong places. I send my best friend and a few other very close friends text messages of how madly in love I was.
I fell for the wrong person. I fell for the wrong person at a wrong time, now this is even more honest. He is in a relationship and happily in love with the same girl for years now. How could I ever hit on somebody who's in a relationship? How could I ever like him? How could I still even think of being with him? I was insane and no reason could ever justify the feelings I've had for him. Maybe because he's one of the good things that has happened to me in a long time. Maybe because I thought there was something with the way he stared at me-- sincere and caring. Maybe I gave an altogether different meaning with the times he's held my hand after exchanges of silly jokes and banters or with the times he'd wait for me because I had to finish up some things or with the times we'd have our meals together. 
You see, even before I found myself falling for him, we were friends. I became a little too comfortable in his presence. I'd look forward to seeing him, and if that doesn't happen, I will myself to dream about him. 
Then it hit me, I don't think I could ever sacrifice our friendship or put it on the line. He's in a relationship. I had to distance myself and know my limits. I should know when enough is enough. Early today, while we were talking about something funny, he excused himself to answer a text from his girl. And, that didn't hurt me. Not at all. I surprised myself there. Was it for real? I'd say yes. Our friendship is more important. His happiness is my happiness and I say that with sincerity. I am pretty much contented with the times we are together at work. 
It would be an insult to my morale to continue to flirt with him. It's about time I stop before any of my actions result to any repercussion I know I will regret. 
-- 
Dear Him, 
You are one of the greatest things that has EVER happened to me. Thank you for being a friend. You've taught me that sometimes, it is OK to let my guard down. I can be myself when I'm with you, and although you tease me mercilessly, I enjoy it because then we exchange the loudest laugh. This isn't a sad ending because our friendship is a treasure in itself. 
Take care and see you around. :)

Seventy-second: Grey sky mornings

Only a little light is coming out from my almost-dark-pink curtain. It feels as if it's always sundown. At this time of the year, the nights are getting longer, so that makes it almost impossible to get up from bed. I find myself snoozing the alarm every ten minutes or so. Then I wake up and come to my full senses because had I slept around for another minute, I wouldn't be able  to come to work on time. It has been that way lately-- struggling to wake up and face the day with so much stuff to do but with more than enough willingness to go through them. Thank you, Lord.

Don't get me wrong, October is a good month. I like it.

It's a little over 7 in the morning, and the sun isn't even out. The sky is grey, as if rain is here  to come. I try to gather my thoughts, because honestly, there's a lot and I just want to keep writing them down until my brain says enough.

Work is good. Whereas before I usually hear myself ranting, now all seems a tad better. It doesn't feel like I'm obliged to finish my eight-hour shift (sometimes extending to twelve). I love the company I'm in and the nice feeling I get after work. Through all these, God is my strength and refuge-- constantly reminding me to take tasks one at a time. I am only human and trying to get things done altogether never really works. For a time, yes, but that only leaves me tired and breathless.

I had a minor falling out with a co-worker. I think he's rude. His words and actions were inappropriate. But who am I kidding when I tried to make things even with him? He doesn't really care. He'd still do the same things again and again. I realized how unnecessary my speaking up against him was. But at that time, I had to do it. I could never bear it in me to have someone look down on me, as  if he's all-knowing when clearly he isn't. Now, everything's a blur as I try to put that behind me.

I totally hate it when I have to stop in the middle of writing. I'd get back on this in a short  while.  :)