Forty-ninth: I Got There!

I dislike the fact that I put aside my want to write my thoughts down-- either I don't have time on my hands or I find myself doing something equally time-consuming, like browsing the web, watching TV, or sleeping-- but it always gets me and I would want to get rid this feeling of guilt that's eating me for weeks now. I believe that there's passion and fulfillment in writing. You write to ease your feelings-- for a momentary solace and gratification. I should do this more often. When I was just starting, I committed myself into doing this but now, 'the flesh is weak.' It’s frustrating to want to sit down for a while, get a pen and let the wind around me take me to the place where words are bountiful and all I have to do is pick a string and start from there. I will rise above my every whim. So, now that I have enough time, go there I shall. :)

There are many, many thoughts running in my mind right now, I kid you not. Yesterday, I had a pounding headache that no amount of food, water or even medicine could cure. As it always turns out, sleep comes to a dashing rescue. Truly, a good sleep brings countless wonders. This is the longest amount of sleep (twelve long, peaceful hours) I’ve had in months since hospital duty consumed me. I have every reason to start my day right. :)

Then, I went online and learned Amy Winehouse, a popular and talented singer, was found dead because of heroine and drug addiction. I may not really know her but it’s painful to read that someone with so much talent and passion for music would die for something our society is better off without. It's even painful to see those families left behind feel inadequate and useless because of a life that they could have saved. That said, it's a  life loss and wasted! Addiction is good IF it’s something beneficial and NOT detrimental to one’s well-being and health. It starts to get bad when there’s not a day you can’t live without it. Too much of something is bad, whether caffeine, alcohol, love, fatty food, and worse, drugs. There’s always somebody willing to help someone who’s on substance-abuse. It may take a painstakingly huge amount of discipline, focus, prayer and the will to eliminate it from one’s system, but nothing will be as worth it as the feeling of being sober.

Then comes another thought clamoring for attention—chasing dreams. I’ve always had the liveliest and most outrageous dreams. I see myself living in the mountainous region of Scotland, where the grasses are greener and domestic animals abound. I’ve imagined myself donning a bright red and yellow apron while making my way in the kitchen with one hand inside a bowl of flour and eggs. I dreamt of becoming a doting mother and wife. I’d drive my kids to school and help them with their bags as I hurriedly give them their packed meals that will get them through the day. Oh, the joys of daydreaming. But, I’ll get back to these.

For now, my only priority in terms of my profession is to continually learn to love it and find accomplishment in serving others. It may sound so much like a cliché but you’ll know the feeling when you devote your time and efforts into loving the work you’re in.

I think I’ve had too many thoughts in one sitting. :)

Forty-eighth: It Can Only Get Better...

Hello July!!! :) It's only your second day but you've been nothing but good! :) I always try to be positive in dealing with change, and a new month means change but I know it can only get better. :)

Tonight, I'd like to deal with all the nice things that has happened. Let me get through a rundown of what has transpired.

1. First, my relationship with God is stronger than ever. :) This is something that I am constantly working on. I know there are countless times that I put Him in the background when happiness consumes me and that I feel really shameful. :( I am sorry that I forget Him, but it NEVER changes the fact that I rely only to Him. He has my full trust.

2. It's such a nice feeling going to work because I love what I'm doing (although it's true I have a love-hate relationship with my work) and I love the people I'm working with. I would just want to get this straight: I do not entirely hate the nature of my job because it gives me a sense of fulfillment each time I run short of dose. I learn a lot of things from my patients-- the value of hardwork, patience, contentment, friendship, self-respect, etc. I take one day at a time because, really, there's no need to hurry. I can never enjoy a good day if I just rant and wish time to go forward, right?

3. My family gives me a strong support system. My mood may alter-- happy today, enraged tomorrow, sad later on-- but their loves is constant. I feel totally blessed!!! :)

4. Reading other people's travel blogs inspires me. One day, I too will meet my #1 DREAM DESTINATION-- Hola Espana!! :) I know it'll be a magical feeling-- like when Princess Jasmine met Aladdin. Hahaha!! It's like true love, separated at birth, united by destiny. :) I cannot wait!!! I promise to fulfill that moment. :)

So, thank you July! :) I should really go to sleep now because my two-layered eyebags seriously worry my coworkers. They may be harsh but Shrek did warn me, 'Only your true friends can be cruelly honest with you.' :)

Forty-seventh: From There Onwards...

What keeps me through my hours at work is the fact that I am working so I can achieve my goals. One of the MANY goals I've set for myself is to travel. With how vast the world is, there's just so much a person could see and immerse himself with. The feeling of getting lost in the moment is magical. I'd like to see for myself how it works with natives of different cities. How do Spanish mestizas spend their afternoon? Do they go about with their siesta and drink warm tea thereafter? How do Irish spend their night when they have longer days and the sun doesn't set til eleven in the evening? I would like to experience everything. If only I had the money to do so. 

Travel really makes us young. Everything is new again. When I was out of town, I gave out an 'oooh' and 'aahh' every now and then. I was so amazed with how things are in other countries.

Someday... I'd have a time of my own where money is never an issue and all I would ever care about is how to get myself to the museums I've read on the paper. Ahhh the many endless possibilities life has to offer! :)

Forty-sixth: Relationships

I think everyone should write WHEN they feel like it, and not because one has to do so. It makes all the difference. When I'm lost in the moment and I want to eternally capture it, I try by putting it into writing-- that way, I can read and ponder every now and then (when I want to).

Today has been very very wonderful. I always run out of words to describe how incredibly blessed I am for the opportunity. It is not everyday that I get to personally know my coworkers from the hospital. We don't have the same schedule and time hasn't been a luxury to us; but the need to foster strength and good, harmonious relationship amongst us is  great. It has to be given an utmost importance because it's the fundamental drive for any relationship to work.

My coworkers have various and distinct personalities. It amazes me how we all blend in and adapt with one another. It's really true that a work doesn't feel like one when you're in good company. I do not speak for any of my coworkers but when work is taking over my life, I pause and think how we're all on the same boat (HAHAHA).

Our head supervisor approved our request for a group outing. It  was so much fun!!! :) I saw my coworkers in a different light, that of outside the walls of the hospital's station. Everyone exerted effort for our outing to be a success. We had silly games. We sang to our heart's delight. MANY were HELPLESSLY thrown into the pool.  Girls had so much stories shared. Alcoholic drinks were passed on from one to the other. Pictures were snapped. Laughter was everywhere. It was contagious. Everyone was so happy!!! :)

I wish we could do this, at least in a month or two.

And just a moment ago, I had the sudden urge to cry because I missed my brother whom I haven't seen for a year now. I remember being so afraid of him when we were still kids. He was our eldest and he exudes this natural aura of physical strength. I was so scared of displeasing him because that meant more intense pillow fights and a ban from watching TV inside his room. During weekdays of our elementary and high school years, Mama NEVER allowed us to open the TV even if we were done doing our homework. We were to sleep right on,  without fail. But my sister, Karen, and I were stubborn enough to disobey her because WE HAD TO see our FAVORITE show then, Monica Brava. And everyday after school, we dishearteningly give up our savings of PhP10 so we can go see the show at kuya's room. He made money out of us, we thought. At his age then, he was wise and tricky! Looking back now, the memories make me cringe and smile. He may not be too keen and vocal on his feelings but I know he loves us beyond words and more than any person outside my immediate familial thread could.

He has taken a bold step when he chose to take full responsibilities for his action. That was three years ago, but the sense of maturity has been continually fostered.

Happy happy birthday and Father's Day to a brother whom I will fight tooth and nail for, not so because we're related, but because deep down, you have an amazing heart. You silently love us in your own odd ways. I pray that you be given peace of mind and the determination and inner power to stay away from your vices. Because I can't just give up on people--  especially when they mean the world to me.

"Some failure in life is inevitable. It is impossible to live without failing at something unless you live so cautiously that you might as well have not lived at all, in which case, you fail by default." 

-J.K. Rowling

 

Forty-fifth: A 13-hour Time Difference...

I was introduced to these two other charming and equally witty and funny friends, Janine and Bea, over a year ago when my very good friend, Vannesa, came to my side of the country for a short visit. :) Little did I know that we'd be close. We only had quite a few chances to bond because of lack of time and a number of other agendas but it was one of the best times.

From then and now, we made it a point to communicate over SMS, the internet, and chatting. It was so fun because I discovered a lot of things from them that made our friendship even stronger.

Last Wednesday, we (plus Josel) promised to go online despite the difference in our time zones. We had a silly theme in mind, Japanese and whatnot. All was set and everyone was excited!! :D

Here are SOME photos during our chat--all made up of high-pitched voices, resonant and contagious laughter, and good old friends.

First photo snap, busy pa el uno ta man text na suyu 'tata' :p

Me: Jing, blurred gat tu. Jing: Llama cumigo again *ends call abruptly* WOOOW, strict si lola! :p

I must have heard something really funny then thus the open-wide mouth! :O

Me: Jing, alegra de tu yu cam and follow us. 

V is for VANNESA (who was sadly on a hiatus) :/

WACKY in 1 2 3...

T: Bale gat el video de Beyonce!!! Mira ustedes please!! J: Hinde iyo fan de Beyonce! B: Sigi wait lang, loading pa...

All the time, it looked like Bea was in a singing ad or reading out a poem for a large audience

J: Basahin nyo daw ang message. B: Hala babe, tali pa mio msgs?! T: Waiiit, jutay el font!!

I am so happy and I can't wait for the next... Love you girls!!! :*

Fourty-forth: Orally-fixated

It's funny how I think that I have a bottomless pit stomach because I always find myself eating and wanting to eat some more one after another food/meal. It's crazy because my friends no longer think it's funny after our third or fourth hit in a restaurant. It's also crazy because it's causing a hole in my already-empty pocket! I personally believe I am orally fixated because I have to satiate my mouth's craving every now or then or else I find myself weak and sad! Hahahaha! :p

When I'm bored at work, I ease it by daydreaming about food and drinks that I would want to eat-- lechon (roasted pork), white chocolate, coffee latte, leche flan, chicken curry, california maki, sashimi, etc. I could actually go and on but that would only leave me salivating. Hahaha :p

I wish I knew how to bake so I could whip up any dessert I'd like. I would love to learn how to make red velvet cupcakes (with all those colorful sprinkles on top), lemon square bars, butter cake, and etc. I'd have my friends come over and we'll gobble the food I made. It's gonna be fun. I think we'll end up in food coma then. Teehee :p

My gosh, this post is totally irrelevant but I'd like to read up on this five years from now and think how much nothing has changed because I think I will NEVER lose my appetite for food. That will remain constantly true.