I have been a busy working girl!! :( My lack of writing is an evidence. I wanted to do a lot of things, mostly read and write. I would love to travel, too (but that is far-fetched, seeing as I am swamped with work).
I have a love-hate relationship with my profession. One day, I find myself inspired to go to work; next, I'm drained, irked, and almost wanting to give up. THIS IS MY CONSTANT BATTLE. I fight the latter with all the strength I have reserved for times like these.
My work is tiring, add to the fact that it doesn't even pay good; but I CANNOT DENY that there's something fulfilling and passionate about it that you would want to pay forward the feeling. If I find myself heaving a heavy sigh, I look at my patients and think, "How could they still feel happy despite being in the hospital?" and then I stop drowning in misery, because really, it's just a matter of perspective.
So tonight, before sleep consumes me, I remember the things I have done: Were they any good? Or were they mediocre? Did I contribute to my patient's health improvement? Did I just do things for the sake of getting them accomplished?
Heavens, these haunt me! Like happiness, I also cannot suppress the dictates of my conscience! I find myself lost amongst the throes of questions. The least I want my patients/clients to remember (when I see them walking outside the huge hospital) is that I was just WORKING, not really giving my all. That's pathetic, let's face it! :/
So today, I'd like to say I did good. Because I have standards set for MYSELF and I was able to go beyond them, I would say I did good. Because I was armed with a pocketful of prayers and a sunshine of hope, I would say I did good. And it also matters to me that my patients and their significant others trust me. One wouldn't go about telling me of his affair with a girl, 30 years his junior. I would say that's trust. And when I left their rooms, I was given the WARMEST OF SMILES. Now, those are HUGE treats! :)
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