"No one is born an addict. They all make the concious choice to have that first drink, pop the first pill, smoke the first pipe. If there is someone in the industrialized world today that is over the age of six and does not know what drugs can do to a person then they have not been listening. There is no excuse for it. The slogan "just say no to drugs" says it all. If they never try it the first time, they have no chance of becoming an addict."

--Anonymous,  on drug addiction

Forty-ninth: I Got There!

I dislike the fact that I put aside my want to write my thoughts down-- either I don't have time on my hands or I find myself doing something equally time-consuming, like browsing the web, watching TV, or sleeping-- but it always gets me and I would want to get rid this feeling of guilt that's eating me for weeks now. I believe that there's passion and fulfillment in writing. You write to ease your feelings-- for a momentary solace and gratification. I should do this more often. When I was just starting, I committed myself into doing this but now, 'the flesh is weak.' It’s frustrating to want to sit down for a while, get a pen and let the wind around me take me to the place where words are bountiful and all I have to do is pick a string and start from there. I will rise above my every whim. So, now that I have enough time, go there I shall. :)

There are many, many thoughts running in my mind right now, I kid you not. Yesterday, I had a pounding headache that no amount of food, water or even medicine could cure. As it always turns out, sleep comes to a dashing rescue. Truly, a good sleep brings countless wonders. This is the longest amount of sleep (twelve long, peaceful hours) I’ve had in months since hospital duty consumed me. I have every reason to start my day right. :)

Then, I went online and learned Amy Winehouse, a popular and talented singer, was found dead because of heroine and drug addiction. I may not really know her but it’s painful to read that someone with so much talent and passion for music would die for something our society is better off without. It's even painful to see those families left behind feel inadequate and useless because of a life that they could have saved. That said, it's a  life loss and wasted! Addiction is good IF it’s something beneficial and NOT detrimental to one’s well-being and health. It starts to get bad when there’s not a day you can’t live without it. Too much of something is bad, whether caffeine, alcohol, love, fatty food, and worse, drugs. There’s always somebody willing to help someone who’s on substance-abuse. It may take a painstakingly huge amount of discipline, focus, prayer and the will to eliminate it from one’s system, but nothing will be as worth it as the feeling of being sober.

Then comes another thought clamoring for attention—chasing dreams. I’ve always had the liveliest and most outrageous dreams. I see myself living in the mountainous region of Scotland, where the grasses are greener and domestic animals abound. I’ve imagined myself donning a bright red and yellow apron while making my way in the kitchen with one hand inside a bowl of flour and eggs. I dreamt of becoming a doting mother and wife. I’d drive my kids to school and help them with their bags as I hurriedly give them their packed meals that will get them through the day. Oh, the joys of daydreaming. But, I’ll get back to these.

For now, my only priority in terms of my profession is to continually learn to love it and find accomplishment in serving others. It may sound so much like a cliché but you’ll know the feeling when you devote your time and efforts into loving the work you’re in.

I think I’ve had too many thoughts in one sitting. :)

Forty-eighth: It Can Only Get Better...

Hello July!!! :) It's only your second day but you've been nothing but good! :) I always try to be positive in dealing with change, and a new month means change but I know it can only get better. :)

Tonight, I'd like to deal with all the nice things that has happened. Let me get through a rundown of what has transpired.

1. First, my relationship with God is stronger than ever. :) This is something that I am constantly working on. I know there are countless times that I put Him in the background when happiness consumes me and that I feel really shameful. :( I am sorry that I forget Him, but it NEVER changes the fact that I rely only to Him. He has my full trust.

2. It's such a nice feeling going to work because I love what I'm doing (although it's true I have a love-hate relationship with my work) and I love the people I'm working with. I would just want to get this straight: I do not entirely hate the nature of my job because it gives me a sense of fulfillment each time I run short of dose. I learn a lot of things from my patients-- the value of hardwork, patience, contentment, friendship, self-respect, etc. I take one day at a time because, really, there's no need to hurry. I can never enjoy a good day if I just rant and wish time to go forward, right?

3. My family gives me a strong support system. My mood may alter-- happy today, enraged tomorrow, sad later on-- but their loves is constant. I feel totally blessed!!! :)

4. Reading other people's travel blogs inspires me. One day, I too will meet my #1 DREAM DESTINATION-- Hola Espana!! :) I know it'll be a magical feeling-- like when Princess Jasmine met Aladdin. Hahaha!! It's like true love, separated at birth, united by destiny. :) I cannot wait!!! I promise to fulfill that moment. :)

So, thank you July! :) I should really go to sleep now because my two-layered eyebags seriously worry my coworkers. They may be harsh but Shrek did warn me, 'Only your true friends can be cruelly honest with you.' :)