I had just put Isabelle, my four-month old daughter, down for her sleep when I took these photos. I wanted to capture the moment of a time I have successfully put her down on her crib, got up, peed, washed some of her burp clothes, and did some house chores that I have put off for quite a while now. I remember asking, ‘Is she ever going to close her eyes and sleep like a log?’ I just wanted to pee and have a moment for myself. Five, ten, fifteen, twenty minutes have gone by and she was just starting to go on REM stage, and then I twitched because one leg felt numb, and boom she was up again. I rocked her back and forth and a little too hard this time. I haven’t noticed how long it took for her to sleep again because I was also starting to feel the heaviness in my eyes. I was just extremely grateful that although tonight was a little tougher than usual, I was up on my legs.
On nights that are especially difficult, I tell myself it’s not going to be always like this. There are days that I have small accomplishments and they felt like I conquered motherhood like a pro. Some days, I’m just about to explode from sheer frustration and exhaustion. But the beauty I have in front of me is very rewarding that all unlikely feelings just fade into the background.
I thank you, Father God, for your everlasting kindness and for choosing me to be my little baby’s primary caregiver.
Xx
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