Seventy-first: I rant.

Would it be too far-fetched to continue on daydreaming for something grand, that turns out to be absolutely incredulous or preposterous, to one day happen in my life? When I was in the third grade, my dance teacher broke my heart. Everyone in my class made it in the Dance Club. We were so happy because that's just one of the coolest organizations to be in at that time. I know I danced like a bamboo, only my arms were swaying whereas the body as one should be. It takes me more than an hour to get the dance moves being taught. I practiced endlessly and without any complaint because the feeling of happiness it gave me was a reward in itself. The next Friday after our rehearsal, the announcement she made, in front of beaming children, was more than an eight-year-old skinny child like me could take. I was the ONLY one cut off from the group. Yes, I cried for months and I hated her. I thought, "How could she?!" My efforts would have made up for my lack of grace and skill in dancing. That meant something! :( Of course it did because I stopped attending ballet lesson and art class altogether. I refused to don on my leotard, tights and shoes for every afternoon's practice. It has affected me to a great extent!

But that was ages ago. I'm an adult now, but deep inside I still wish I were a world-class dancer. You see,  this was what I was daydreaming about. Something grand, in my definition, means being able to dance gracefully as with all other good dancers I know. It would mean my arms and legs don't go against each other while I try hard to keep up with the beat and the steps. I wish I didn't give up ballet class. I would love to see how far I could have gone, in terms of my skills  (or lack of thereof).

I also find myself wishing I went up after my dreams of becoming a linguist or working in a diplomat's office in some other foreign country. Of course, regret wouldn't get me anywhere. I love being a nurse but there's just something in being able to fulfill a high school dream. Maybe I'd get there, maybe I won't. I might devote my time when I have few things to worry about; then, I just might not.

P.S. One funny thing I do even when people cringe their noses and crease their foreheads because they find it hilarious is when I belt out a tune or sing with the song on the radio. I know my voice isn't the one you would love to be waking up in the morning to, and it doesn't even come close, but at least I got that frustration out. I don't sing well and my voice sounds like the one you hear from a broken record, but having it ticked off from my "grand" list is a nice feeling, I tell you.